A relationship doesn’t have to be romantic to fall into the “toxic” category, of course. Many friendships, mother-daughter, boss-employee, and waiter-eater relationships qualify. If someone is bringing you down consistently, chances are that your relationship with him is toxic.
How To Know If You’re In A Toxic Relationship:
- Do I feel energized or drained after I spent an hour with X?
- Do I WANT to spend time with X or do I feel like I have to?
- Do I feel sorry for X?
- Do I go to X looking for a response that I never get?
- Do I come away consistently disappointed by X’s comments and behavior?
- Am I giving way more to the relationship than X?
- Do I even like X?
How To Get Out:
- Keep a log of your emotions. This is a therapeutic tool for anyone suffering with bouts of depression and anxiety, and here’s why you do it: It helps you identify your triggers.
- Identify the perks. Every now and then we do something completely selfless, but ninety-nine times out of a hundred we do something (or stay in a relationship) because there is something in it for us. So make a list of the positives that this person brings to your life. Chances are, the negatives will outweigh the positives.
- Identify the need. Now that you’ve identified what you get out of the relationship, what is the need they fill? Affirmation? Validation? Security? Loneliness?
- Fill the hole. What is a healthy way you can fill the need? Many times a good counselor can help you through this.