Caryn & Jeremy in the Morning

Parents, You’re Aiming Too High!

By April 21, 2020 No Comments

Parents, you are setting the bar too high. Parents who have been just kind of been motoring right along all of a sudden now are wearing hats they’ve never worn before whether that’s working from home or maybe that means your spouse is working from home. They’re also filling or taking on the role of homeschool teacher trying to make sure the child is getting all their assignments in and having to show them how to get plugged in online.

In this article, Dr. Jennifer Lane Briggs says, she cites a study that was done some years ago to see what kind of parenting produces the most well adjusted and healthy children. They studied three groups in which one group of children had parenting that would be considered neglectful or even abusive. Another group had parents who were there for their children most of the time, but not always. Then the final group had parents who tried to attend their child’s every need with perfection, never missing an event or practice and the whole nine yards. What they found doesn’t surprise me because it was the middle group that ended up yielding the healthiest, most well-adjusted children who went on to be the most successful as adults.

What she’s saying is stop aiming for perfection and aim for good enough. If you have a day where you get some of your work done, help your child with some of their school and make sure they are taking in calories. Even if it’s chicken nuggets for the fourth night in a row, that is good enough and your child will be okay. The study showed kids with helicopter parents don’t ever develop skills for navigating disappointment and because of that, they tend to collapse when the bottom falls out later in life because they’ve never been taught how to problem-solve. They’ve never been taught how to figure something out on their own and so these kids with good enough parents who were there for them most of the time, but not always, also learned things like how to apologize, how to own up to your mistakes, and how to figure it out for yourself if Mom or Dad don’t come through.

Hearing this was such a breath of fresh air for me because good enough parents accept that you don’t have to function at the same level you’re accustomed to right now. In fact, if you think about it, nobody can! Acknowledge the uncertainty and fear we’re all experiencing these days and put your normal expectations on hold. Things will resume to normal eventually, but right now, settle for good enough.

If you’d like to read the full article that Rebecca referenced on the air, you can click here!

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